


hand covers bruise (the reprise)

by Drhair76



Category: The Social Network (2010)
Genre: 'cause it reminds you of innocence and smells like me', 'you keep my old scarf from that very first week', Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jkjk, M/M, No graphic wounds. just talk of self harm, Self-Esteem Issues, also!, i just like tsn., i never let them finish a single sentence., just because they're gay. but like. in implication., literally ZERO relation to real life mark zuckerfuck and eduardo...., me @ me: you can have a little tsn fic...as a treat, yeah. that but with the northface jacket, yes they are being gay and pining. its all very tender, you all know that ts lyric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24894943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drhair76/pseuds/Drhair76
Summary: It took a second for Mark's eyes to focus on the knife, but when he did, he jolted in shock and frantically wheeled back his chair in fear.or, Mark has grown an aversion to knives, Eduardo dreads learning why.
Relationships: Chris Hughes & Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin/Mark Zuckerberg
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	hand covers bruise (the reprise)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [might as well live](https://archiveofourown.org/works/463939) by [laurachase](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurachase/pseuds/laurachase). 



> ,,,,2020 and I'm writing tsn fanfiction,,,,,maybe, just maybe, its mental illness innit?

Looking back on it, there was really no way for Eduardo to know. 

All he was sure of was that Mark hadn't eaten breakfast and at that point it was nearing four PM. Eduardo didn't even think about it before ordering him a salad. 

It had come with a plastic fork, but no knife so he grabbed the only one he saw from the office kitchens. 

It was a  _ huge _ knife. 

Like, one of the ones that Eduardo only ever imagined seeing in a professional chef's kitchen. As he grabbed it, he wondered why it was in the facebook kitchens. 

Who was cutting their sub sandwich with what looked like a murder weapon?

He would've gone to get a different one but this was only Eduardo's third time here- he didn't know the various cabinets well enough to find a better one. 

But still, he didn't think much of it. 

He put the salad down next to Mark's computer when it came. Full with chopped tomatoes, spinach, chicken and avocado- Eduardo ordered as many healthy toppings as possible because he wasn't entirely sure that Mark knew what a vegetable was, much less ate them in his spare time. 

When Mark's fingers didn't even still on the keys as he put the food near him, Eduardo sighed- feeling full of the nostalgia and fondness that he always felt whenever he looked at Mark. 

"Mark," Eduardo said singsongly. "There's food. It's green but it's good." 

Mark barely twitched. 

And so, Eduardo figured,  _ what the heck.  _ His last resort plan to make sure that Mark ate something before he keeled over- he took the huge, heavy chef's knife that he was sure wasn't supposed to be in the facebook offices and carefully creeped it into mark's eyesight, in between his face and the computer screen. 

It took a second for Mark's eyes to focus on the knife, but when he did, he jolted in shock and frantically wheeled back his chair in fear. 

Eduardo blinked, going shock still for a moment. He wasn't expecting  _ that.  _ For a split second, a memory played out- of Eduardo stomping in angrily, smashing a computer and Mark jolting in fear. 

The thought of that- of Mark pressing away from Eduardo because of  _ that-  _ it made Eduardo's chest squeeze painfully. 

"Mark?" Eduardo said hesitantly. Mark's wide eyes flickered from Eduardo's face to the huge knife and back again quickly. "Mark, you- you don't think I'd-" 

The sentence died in his throat, but the horror must've been written all over his face because Mark stuttered through an inhale and shook his head. 

"No." he said, sounding strangled. "No, I- could you just-" He made an abortive motion with his hand and Eduardo tucked the knife behind the computer screen, out of sight. 

Eduardo watched Mark carefully- the way that his fingers shook, the quickened rise and fall of his chest, the tension still there in his shoulders- and realized that he was missing something. 

Making amends with Mark hadn't been easy, there was a lot to parse through and apologize for on both sides. But they were doing it, moving slowly like waddling toddlers, but at least they were moving. At least it was better than before- better than when Eduardo would lie awake in Singapore, thinking about Mark and Mark would lie away in California, thinking about Eduardo. 

But with coming back, with easing back into a tentative friendship, Eduardo realized that there was a lot that he had missed. 

Sometimes it was small- like Dustin would crack a well worn joke at Sean's expense and yeah, Eduardo would laugh, because Dustin is  _ funny,  _ but Chris and Mark would laugh and look at each other like there were layers to it that Eduardo wasn't getting. 

Other times it was big- like the way that Chris now looked at Dustin, with a smile tinged with love or the way that Dustin now fitted their hands together like he'd been waiting to do it for a while. 

_ This _ , Eduardo thought, watching as Mark eyed him warily,  _ seemed big. _

"Mark," he forced himself to say- and he sounded desperate even to his own ears- "I would never- I mean I'd rather chop off my own hands than to-"

Mark flinched a bit and Eduardo realized that might've been the worst metaphor to use. But hey, it was true. The idea of hurting Mark like  _ that _ , with  _ this _ , made his stomach curl and his insides shake. 

Mark shook his head abruptly, his curls flying back and forth a little. "Wardo, you just-" He cut himself off and licked his lips. 

Eduardo tingled a bit at hearing his old nickname fall from Mark's mouth- like Mark didn't have to think before his lips formed those two syllables, like it was muscle memory for him. 

"It's not you." Mark continued. His voice sounded strange- like he was trying to stay calm and quiet but also like he had a hand curled around his windpipe. "It's me. I swear." 

Eduardo couldn't help the wry but worried curl of his lip. He wanted to ask  _ is this a break up? _ "Okay? Um- did- are you alright?"

_ That  _ seemed to shake Mark out of it. "Yes." He said firmly. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself. "Yes. Yeah, I'm alright." 

Eduardo nodded, still feeling like he was missing something huge. "Okay." 

Mark scooted closer and jerkily saved his work. He was still tight with tension and Eduardo didn't know why or how to help. All he could do was watch as Mark closed his laptop and pulled the salad in front of him. 

At the last second, Eduardo pulled the knife off the desk so it remained out of Mark's sight. 

He didn't want to see Mark's eyes looking in his direction with that much fear ever again and he wouldn't if he could help it. 

"Thanks." Mark said, looking down at the plate full of greens with a nervous smile. Then he squinted at the avocado slices. "What is that?" 

Eduardo huffed a quiet laugh, unsure if Mark was serious. "Are you kidding?"

Mark looked up, a bit of soft light to his eyes, that tension gone.  _ yeah, I'm joking, _ his body seemed to say, but he shook his head anyway. 

"No." He said. "It looks unhealthily green. Too green to be safe. Take it away." 

Eduardo laughed in earnest and the weird tension was broken. 

...

Mark didn't bring it up in the next couple of days, so Eduardo tried his best not to think about it. 

They just sat across from each other, working separately in companionable silence, the only sound being the clattering of Mark's computer keys and Eduardo's tapping at his laptop. 

And yes, Eduardo was just fine with not talking about it. Genuinely. He really was. 

Except, whenever he looked up at Mark, he replayed the way Mark pushed away from him in fear and the way his blue eyes went wide like dinner plates at the sight of the knife. 

"Mark," Eduardo called after his seventh time looking away from his spreadsheet to watch Mark type. "Are you alright?"

Mark looked up briefly, frowning. "Yes?" 

"Okay." 

Eduardo inhaled and turned back to his work. Mark's soothing clatter of keys started up again and he was just about to actually settle down and focus when they trailed off to a stop. 

Eduardo looked up at the sound of Mark closing his laptop. 

"Mark?"

Mark paused, watching Eduardo with an unreadable expression, before coming to some sort of conclusion and standing. "Come on Eduardo, let's go get a coffee." 

Eduardo watched blankly as Mark walked around his desk and grabbed a coat. He was so confused that he barely remembered how to actually speak words. 

"You want to what?" 

Mark shifted at the doorway to his office. "Go get coffee?" His tone was like  _ duh  _ but the way he shifted made it clear that this wasn't an ordinary thing he did. "I know a good Cafe close by?" He offered. 

Eduardo found himself nodding. "Alright, let me- yeah. Let's go get a coffee." 

…

The cafe was small and quaint. There were only two barista at the counter and the menu looked limited, but it smelled amazing when they stepped inside- like coffee beans and fresh baked treats. 

It seemed like a quiet kind of place, the type that is the first to go when a big chain store rolls in. If Eduardo had to guess, its close proximity to the Facebook offices was the only thing really keeping it afloat. 

Mark gently nudged Eduardo to a side table and went to go order them something. It wasn't until Mark came back that Eduardo realized he'd forgotten to give Mark his order. 

It also wasn't until Mark came back that Eduardo realized he was wearing Eduardo's old Northface jacket. Something like warmth rolled over Eduardo then.

The fit of the jacket over Mark's shoulders just- looked right. Natural. Eduardo liked to see it. 

He tucked away that thought as they started catching up. 

It seemed that that's all they had been doing the past couple of days but Eduardo really didn't mind. It was nice to watch Mark dissolved into an explanation of Facebook's newest feature and it was especially nice for Mark to turn the question back to him and for Mark to listen with genuine interest. 

Eduardo couldn't help the way he gaped in shock when their drinks eventually came. 

Mark ordered him a drink with a bittersweet nutty flavor that tasted like it had been roasted with chocolate.

That was- something. 

Eduardo could remember making coffee runs in college, picking up drinks with Chris or other friends and every single time he always got the same thing. It reminded him of home- brazillian coffees were always bittersweet and full of chocolate. 

Mark had never gone to get coffee with him- he didn't like it back then, and judging by the mug of tea in front of him, he still didn't- but at some point, he noticed. At some point, without them speaking about it, Mark had catalogued Eduardo's coffee drinking habits without ever having gone to get drinks with him- and he  _ still  _ remembered to this day. 

Eduardo didn't know  _ how  _ to feel about that. 

There was a natural lull in the conversation and Eduardo took the time to study Mark. He watched the way Mark shifted, then tugged a little at his-  _ Eduardo's _ -jacket sleeves. 

He wasn't too surprised when Mark went "So I guess we should talk about it." 

Eduardo frowned. "Talk about what? The coffee?"

Mark furrowed his brows. "The coffee? Why? Did you have something to say about it?"

Eduardo shook his head no when he really wanted to say,  _ yes, I did actually. I've never ordered a coffee around you and I haven't drank a coffee near you in five years and yet you still remember my order. Is there something that you want to tell me? Because I would say it back.  _

"No," He said softly. "I- what should we talk about?"

Mark's expression wavered. "The knife." 

Eduardo exhaled loudly. "Right. Yes. Well. I wasn't going to do anything you know? I wouldn't have-" 

"I know." Mark cut him off a bit abruptly. There was a pause. "I know." He said again, his voice softer. 

"Mark, you- I mean, you were never afraid of knives before. Not that they came up a lot but you always seemed indifferent." 

Mark nodded slowly. "That's...true." Eduardo watched the way his hands clenched around his mug. "Well, things have changed." 

Eduardo raised an eyebrow and for a moment he thought Mark was going to just end it there with that as his explanation, but then Mark took a breath. 

"I-" He paused, as if tasting the words before letting them come out. "I have developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms." 

Mark sounded like he was reciting someone else's words- the clean, clinical talk of a professional. 

Eduardo is very grateful that he wasn't the type to speak before he thinks because at first his only thought was  _ what the fuck?  _

For a second, he couldn't think of what type of coping mechanism fostered a fear of knives, even ones as big as the one from the other day, but then pieces started to click together distantly in his mind. 

Eduardo's stomach dropped. 

"Oh." He said numbly. 

Mark nodded, looking relieved that he didn't have to elaborate. "Yes. So now you see that it wasn't you, it was just-"

"-the knife." Eduardo finished quietly. 

Mark nodded again. "Yeah." 

Mark took an easy sip from his mug but Eduardo suddenly lost his appetite. The idea of Mark and a knife and- it all made his stomach churn in a way that Eduardo couldn't stand. 

"You-" He started, then exhaled harshly, his voice trailing off helplessly. Mark looked up sharply. "I-" 

Finally Eduardo just shook himself. "Are you alright?" 

Mark gave him a look, but it didn't have its usual heat. He honestly just looked a little tired. "Yes, I am. It wasn't-" He cut himself off. "It wasn't a thing." 

"A thing." Eduardo repeated. 

"Yeah. A thing. It just- was. For a while." 

"A while?" Eduardo's eyes narrowed. "For how long?" 

Mark's expression wavered slightly. "Three years."

Eduardo's mouth opened but nothing came out. He sat back, stunned. "Three years." He repeated numbly. 

"But, Wardo," Mark said, his brow furrowed even more, "It's okay. I mean, it wasn't a  _ thing.  _ I'm- well, I'm here aren't I?" 

Eduardo blinked. His mouth felt dry and he felt a little nauseous.  _ I'm here aren't I?  _ As if there was the possibility that he wouldn't be. As if, somewhere along those three years, Mark had that nasty, plaguing dark thought. 

And, if he had, if it had stuck, Eduardo wouldn't have known. Eduardo wouldn't have been able to- 

He sat up abruptly, startling Mark a little. "Yes. Yes, you  _ are  _ here. Does anyone else know?" 

Mark shrugged. "Chris. Dustin. I'm in therapy." 

Eduardo couldn't help but run a shaky hand through his hair. "Okay, that's- that's good. But, Mark, you said that it wasn't a thing?"

Mark nodded. 

"Mark, it  _ is  _ a thing." Eduardo said pointedly. "It's  _ so  _ a thing. No matter who you are- I mean, the thought of you-" 

Mark pressed his lips together before reaching across the table and touching Eduardo's hand. The touch was light and hesitant but Eduardo instantly flipped his hand up to hold Mark's. 

"I didn't tell you to make you feel-" Mark started, then cut himself off. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that I didn't think you'd stab me with a knife." 

Eduardo squeezed Mark's hand and his laugh came out sounding more like a sob. "Oh Mark." 

"Too soon?" Mark asked, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. 

" _ Definitely _ too soon." But Eduardo was smiling because Mark was smiling so maybe it was just in time. 

...

Eduardo tried not to watch Mark too closely after that, knowing that it would make him feel twitchy, but he definitely failed. Even so, Mark didn't snap at him or call him out, he just leveled one of those long looks at him- the ones that made him look tired but also sort of fond. 

They went back to the offices and it was almost as if Mark knew that Eduardo still had questions, because he just sat at his desk without opening his laptop. 

"You didn't tell me before." Eduardo said. He didn't mean for it to come out like an accusation, but it does. 

"Before?" Mark asked and Eduardo knew he was trying to catalogue all the different befores in his head.  _ Before the first shareholders meeting? Before the second? Before the sessions of therapy?  _

"Before we started talking." 

Mark made a noise. "I didn't want you to apologize out of pity. I didn't want us to start back up on that foot." 

"You didn't want to make me feel bad." Eduardo realized. 

Mark made a face at that. "Well. It wasn't about you." But his voice wavered, it was about Eduardo to  _ some  _ extent. 

Eduardo had come to terms with that on the car ride here. That he had something to do with the way Mark had felt for three years. That he had something to do with his  _ development of an unhealthy coping mechanism _ . 

"Eduardo," Mark said. "What I did? It was me. You- you can't take any sort of fault with it. It had nothing to do with you." 

Eduardo tilted his head. Mark's expression was stern but also exasperatedly fond- almost like he knew that Eduardo would have reacted this way. 

"Mark," He sighed. "I sued you."

Mark rolled his eyes, as if he expected this. "I diluted your shares." 

"I froze the account."

"I moved to Palo Alto." 

"I didn't come with you." 

"I became friends with Sean Parker." Mark said dryly. 

Eduardo let out a startled laugh at that. 

Mark's expression shifted into something more sincere. "Wardo, it wasn't you. I made decisions, you made decisions and it felt apart. We fell apart. And then I sort of fell apart even more but it's okay now. Life is sort of about falling apart and then putting yourself back together. Which is what I've learned and what I'm doing." 

"Which is what  _ we're _ doing." Eduardo offered. 

Mark nodded once. "Yeah, so no more of this," he waved a hand at Eduardo, "puppy dog eye guilt thing."

"That sounds like something Dustin would say." Eduardo remarked. 

"Yes well," Mark sighed, sounding long suffering. "He may be rubbing off on me. But you hear me? I'm not saying it again. You have to do what I say." 

Eduardo raised a playful eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Why's that?"

Mark opened his computer, not looking up. "Because I'm CEO bitch." 

Eduardo laughed so hard that he snorted. 


End file.
